on kindness, caring and love

Date...people who are open to what you have to give to them and are willing to match it.[...] Someone who isn’t afraid to give you what you want in life but also respects themselves enough to have standards and value what they need and deserve in this relationship (or even friendship!). Someone who isn’t afraid to let you know how they feel: about you, about life, about what’s important to them, about the future or about whatever is on their mind.

Life is short, so you shouldn’t waste it on someone who doesn’t understand you...won’t put in the time for you[...]. Don’t worry about if they read, if they don’t read, if they watch movies or if they’re into the wrong kind of music; worry about whether they care that you do. Details are important, but... it’ll be more important to say you [spent time] with someone who cares [vs someone who didn't].

That quote is from this post I came across when surfing fb. Honestly, I was more surprised by my reaction to the post than to the actual post itself. If I came across this post maybe a year or two ago, I would have gotten warm, hopeful feelings after reading it. "YES THATS the kind of guy I want." Now... well at first, I felt skeptical. As awesome as the person described in this post sounds, do people like this even exist anymore? That made me a bit sad. But then I realized after reading that thought-catalog post that we shouldn't just read that post and pine about that person we want. We should read that post and ask ourselves--can I see this kind of person in myself? Am I that person who cares?

It would be nice if we could all strive to be less self-centered and more people loving--more caring of others--in our relationships, romantic or otherwise. Because as much as you want to be cared for, your true friends will be few if your main concern is yourself. The best thanks to those who are kind to you are to be kind to them in return. Take the time to think about others, to listen to others. Friendships, just like relationships, are also a two way streak.

One of the things I thank God for teaching me this year is the importance of loving people. I've realized that the kind, nice, caring people in this world are amazing, kind, nice and caring, but we have to remember to please, PLEASE not take them for granted (also, to not overthink what they do :P). These kind, nice, caring people have feelings too. Foster kindness with kindness, because kindness can encourage kind people to keep being kind. One of the worst things to feel is underappreciation, and non-appreciation can be discouraging. BUT NOTE: before we can love others, we should first be confident in ourselves and able to set limits.

This brings to light another important point: that for ANYONE who does anything 'nice', to please reflect on your motivations for doing so. This article on the difference between being nice and being kind really sums it up perfectly.

"Genuinely kind people are giving because it's in their nature to care...they have no ulterior motives, [so] they aren't concerned with whether or not other people like them. Kind people can be assertive and set good limits. 

At the root of extreme niceness, however, are feelings of inadequacy and the need to get approval and validation from others. Overly-nice people try to please so that they can feel good about themselves... The nice person fails to get the love and approval they seek, and the person on the receiving end never feels like they're getting enough care. Instead of being grateful, they become resentful toward the pleaser."

 I've humbly realized that I have been guilty of being 'nice' sometimes; not truly 'kind', so I've been working on that this year. It is a complicated balance--we should be loving of others, not expecting something back, but we also need people to support us, who all have a mutual understanding that we've got each others' backs, if that makes sense :P

This is especially important for me, as a Christian. As Christians, we are called to be kind, merciful, beacons of Christ's love--to those we love AND those we can't stand. Christ's love is unconditional, unjudgmental; beyond what we can grasp on Earth. As Christians, our aim should be to have that kind of love towards people. However, as Godly as we strive to be, we are still human; our love is still human. Two things are necessary to be able to maintain this kindness: 1) we need to turn to God to give us the capacity to show His love for others, because we really will not be able to substain it on our own. 2) we need to have fellowship with other believers who are like-minded and also understand God's love in order to mutually build each other up. (after all, that's what all of Acts is about, right? :))

In summary:
1. before you wish to find someone to care about you, work on being a caring person too
2. be caring, but don't do it with the motives of making people like you. Do it because you genuinely care.
3. don't waste time on people who won't care about you either. Set limits. And don't sell yourself short to make other people happy. Show care when you can; don't sacrifice if you can't.
4. thank those who care about you, who you truly care about; otherwise, they might see you as a #3
5. We alone do not have the capacity to always be loving. but God does. So ask Him to help you love others.

This is all still really idealistic. But hey, something to think about. You might just help make the world a little bit of a brighter place :)

and now back to boards studying. >__>'

PS: Thanks to those people in my life who care--you're care has not gone unnoticed. I've got your back too ;)

grocery shopping

a guy beckons to me in the produce aisle at superfresh; i'm listening to the symptoms of polycystic ovarian syndrome...
me:      [takes out headphone] Hm?
man:    [lifts up a huge leaf of some vegetable] Hey, do you think this is spinach?
me:      Umm...hmm...no I think spinach has smaller, more defined leaves...
            I think you can find some over by the wall over there [points]
wife:    See! I told you so!
man:    [Looks at me, then at wife] So then what IS this? [still holding up kale]
me:      I think it's kale?
man:    Is it greens? [holds up collard greens] Are these greens?
me:      um...I think?
wife:    haha why you askin' her what greens are? she ain't black!
me:      hahaha I think those are collard greens.
man:    OK well thank you.
me:     no problem! [plugs in goljan and resumes shopping]

hahaha that made my day xD

angst

Why is it that no matter how little sense something makes, how silly it seems, and how ridiculous it makes you act, you heart always, ALWAYS seems to dominant your mind? No matter how hard you try to justify that thinking about one thing is utterly and totally useless, that nothing will change anything, that nothing ever changed, but was only a product of your ridiculous imagination--why is it that your heart still holds out that hope? Why is it so annoyingly persistent? Why can't it just let go and accept things as they are? The logical conclusion is so obvious, yet the heart fails to accept it until the evidence is so blatant there's nothing you can do. And as much as you try to protect yourself from getting hurt, you will still get hurt.

Maybe its just my stubborn faith in believing that the world is fair, that you get out what you put in, which almost never happens. Sometimes things do happen, but the world, just like us, is imperfect. I guess it is times like these that remind us of how flawed we are, and how much we need God. Thank God for being someone, giving me something, I can depend on, without fail. and thank God for the few who really do understand. Thank God for the things He HAS blessed me with.  So this is what He must feel when we do the same to Him. Sorry Jesus :(

sigh.

Ecclesiastes is starting to become the anthem for my life. haha. God, please grant me patience and an undeniable trust in you.
² Obey the king’s command, I say... ³ Do not be in a hurry to leave the king’s presence. Do not stand up for a bad cause, for he will do whatever he pleases. ⁴ Since a king’s word is supreme, who can say to him, “What are you doing? ”

⁵ Whoever obeys his command will come to no harm,
    and the wise heart will know the proper time and procedure.
⁶ For there is a proper time and procedure for every matter,
    though a person may be weighed down by misery.

⁷ Since no one knows the future,
    who can tell someone else what is to come?
⁸ As no one has power over the wind to contain it,
    so^[a] no one has power over the time of their death.
As no one is discharged in time of war,
    so wickedness will not release those who practice it.

...There is a time when a man lords it over others to his own^[b] hurt...¹¹ When the sentence for a crime is not quickly carried out, people’s hearts are filled with schemes to do wrong. ¹² Although a wicked person who commits a hundred crimes may live a long time, I know that it will go better with those who fear God, who are reverent before him. ¹³ Yet because the wicked do not fear God, it will not go well with them, and their days will not lengthen like a shadow.
¹⁴ The righteous who get what the wicked deserve, and the wicked who get what the righteous deserve. This too, I say, is meaningless. ¹⁵ So I commend the enjoyment of life , because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun.
¹⁶ When I applied my mind to know wisdom and to observe the labor that is done on earth —people getting no sleep day or night— ¹⁷ then I saw all that God has done. No one can comprehend what goes on under the sun. Despite all their efforts to search it out, no one can discover its meaning. Even if the wise claim they know, they cannot really comprehend it.
but

¹³ Now all has been heard;
    here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
    for this is the duty of all mankind.
¹⁴ For God will bring every deed into judgment,
    including every hidden thing,
    whether it is good or evil.
--Eccl 8, 12:13-14